Stealth Meter

It is universally acknowledged that the killing of a fly requires a supreme amount of stealthiness. Since I frankly have nothing better to do, I watched my family over a week to see how stealthy they are.

Mom's reaction: Not much. Waved fly away into window. Fly flew back. Wave. Flies back. Calls Dad to get it.

Stealth Meter: 1.

Dad: Develops determined look. Primal hunting instincts are unearthed. Grabs newspaper. Wears invisible cape. Fly has no way out, gives in and is murdered. Dad develops cackle and pronounces himself (with funny accent) "Bug Kill-ler!".

Stealth Meter:9

Grandpa: Speaks to fly in Chinese. Fly is intrigued, Grandpa goes all Jackie Chan on the fly. Fly is humiliated. Dies.

Stealth Meter:10

Grandma: Doesn't notice fly.

Stealth Meter: Uhm.

Me: Pronounces self stealthiest of all. Develops Russian mafia accent. ( Vokay, you fly vinto vindow, no vone hurt. Mafia no kill. Mafia pay big money.) Locks fly in window. Fly doesn't die, no vone hurt. Mafia pay big money.

Next Blogging

So you guys know, how on the little bar on the top of blogs there is a little thing that says "next blog" (which usually takes you to blogs about creepy mothers taking billions of pictures of their babies and posting them around). Last time I clicked for this blog I got a formerly alcoholic artist. He was cool. But this time I got these awesome foreign photography blogs.

http://raulbonatiu.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog

http://happysnappy09.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog

I guess they are kiinnda related to my blog but not really, actually.

And then I got one with a lot of Spanish children.

http://santiagoemilioferrando.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog

If you click on this one and look at the pictures, you will notice that there are pictures of them beating at a pinata. But it's a pinata LLAMA AND THE SMALL CHILDREN ARE BEATING HIM MERICILESSLY AND THEN EATING HIS GUTTSSS

SO I DON'T GET WHAT THE DEAL WITH THIS NEXT BLOG LINKY.

what are you guys getting?

Draft #1.

Original Title of Draft:ZOOOBALALAKA

____________________________________________

ZZZZZZZD.

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Intended Meaning: unknown.

drafts.

I have realized how lazy I am in the summer to actually type things (heh heh) and that I have a lot of unfinished posts that were either too weird or too pointless or too gluppy to actually post. There are some pretty cool unfinished stories in there, so I guess I'll be posting a lot of drafts soon.

Survival Tactics For Eigth Grade

1. Learn How To Spell "eigth" correctly. Eihgth? Eighth. Igth.

2. Learn How To Spell "twelth" correctly. Twelfh Tweltfh.

3. Learn To Teleport (so I can visualize a classroom and just appear there)

4. Get Over My Irrational Fear Of Sixth Graders. *twitch* Yes I know I was a sixth grader once. *twitch*

5. Drink A Lot Of Caffine.

6. Try Not To Overthink Things (because if I do my brain will implode.)

7. Try Not To Drown While Swimming.

8. Try Not To Die in PE.

9. Try Not To Die in Social Studies.

10. Try Not to Die Of Suffication.

11. Buy Mule For Carrying Binders.

12. Tape Eyelids Back So It Will Look Like I am Awake.

13. Buy Foghorn. (For frightening 6th Graders. away. BWAHA.)

14. Do Not Drown In Locker.

15. Do Not Suffocate in Locker

16. Do Not Try to Fit In Locker, Period.

17. Do Not Eat Cafeteria Mystery Meat.

18. Do Not Eat New Principal.

19. Do Not Eat New Band Teacher.

20. Just Hitchhike to Narnia, Gosh.

Killing Things

Have you guys ever noticed how if you use highlighter on glossy and shiny (SHINYYY) things it EVAPORATES and disappears? Guess it's because glossy/shiny (SHINYYYY) things are nonporus and everything.

Sorry. Got distracted.

Today I went to a library for the first time in forever, and I had to keep screaming internally at myself "WALK AWAY FROM THE BOOK, WALK AWAY" because I already had this humongo stack and books kept dropping from the top and then I would do the awkward side leaning thing to pick them up, AND the librarian was doing the rabid dragon sneer every time I dropped a book. But in the end I managed to waddle to the self checkout station without dropping anything and waddle out.

Isn't "Killing Things" such a snazzy title?

Post.

new word: blooofatoism.

fear of fat blue things.

quote:

Sophie: I haven't read all of them...

I mean watched

WATCHED

nother quote.

Alex: NOOOOOOOOO! First of ll I was VERY CONFUSED! and there were all these guys without shirts on! not my type of movie!

object:

clara karastury's "bra lasso."

event:

sleeping in a tent with some of my best friends.

book:

The Pig Of Happiness